Dec 25, 2012

You are fine just the way you are

♫ Shelter - The XX

Once upon a time, my mom told me that she thought I was damaged. She simply thought so because I am a quiet and reserved person, so unlike my sister and the rest of our loud, boisterous family. Hence, I must be damaged.

And today, on my birthday, my sister told me that I am weird and a repulsive person, that no wonder no one wants to be my friend. She was mad because I told her that while I am willing listen to what she had to say, I refuse to change for anyone but myself.

All of this started when I told my mom two weeks ago that I was feeling drained after a weekend of socializing with my friends. Thus I needed several days of solitude. I needed an interrupted time alone hence I had not been picking up calls or answering messages from my friends. My mother thought I was a lousy friend who does not value her friends. I respectfully disagree. Sure, it was a lousy thing to avoid my friends during that time but on the contrary, I intensely value the few friends that I have.

My sister and my mother were talking and they were adamant that I change myself. In their opinion, nobody feels or act the way I do. They have yet to encounter a person who feels exhausted after a few rounds of social events and needs to 'recharge' herself. I am a strange anomaly who needs to fix herself. But to me, this is just who I am. I am wired this way. For me, after a prolonged period of social interaction, quiet solitude is not just preferable but crucial.

So I flat out said no, thank you. I do not want to change myself. In fact, I refuse to even entertain the notion. I am not damage nor am I strange. I am fine the way I am.

What I am is an introvert. I am born this way. I cannot 'fix' myself. It's in my genes. It's how my brain wired itself. Neurologists, psychiatrists and psychologists alike have revealed again and again that introverts are not damage or abnormal. We are human beings with feelings. Feelings that may include do not appreciated being told to change just because I do not fit into what you consider 'normal'.

So yes, perhaps no one wants to be friends with me but I am evermore thankful for those few who want to be my friends. They are Allah's gifts for me and the rest I leave it to Allah. By Him, I depend on and my life is on His hands.

I love you both, very much, but I am tired of being told that there is something wrong with me.


Keretapi said...

salam. it's me again, the one who's been posting a couple of comments. lol. just wanna say i feel you. i'm an introvert too, a proud one actually. sometimes am mistaken as an extrovert because i do hang out and enjoy my time with close friends, but yes i do need to recharge myself as well. after spending a day outdoor all i need is another day (or more) indoor, alone. and you know, many other things introverts do.

idk you but you sound normal enough on your blog, i assume even nice too. so it's good you're, like me, acknowledging how we are and accept it. it's just sometimes we wish others accept it as well, right? indeed, you are fine just the way you are :)

Hana | The book smeller said...

Thank you so much. Your words are exactly what I need need right at this moment. So thank you, thank you so much.

People don't understand that introverts are not antisocial, we just prefer solitude at times because socializing can be emotionally taxing for us. It seems I have met a kindred soul in you!

I read your blog too by the way. You sound very wise and sure for someone your age! And awesome too. I like what u said about cinta before n cinta lepas nikah a while back. Tak semestinya cinta sebelum nikah yg suci itu tak wujud, ada je people yang sehabis baik cuba menjaga batas hubungan. N it really opens my eyes when u said not to quick to judge because this is bab fiqh yg banyak grey areas. Kudos, so wise at 18!


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