♫ Shelter - The XX
Once upon a time, my mom told me that she thought I was damaged. She simply thought so because I am a quiet and reserved person, so unlike my sister and the rest of our loud, boisterous family. Hence, I must be damaged.
And today, on my birthday, my sister told me that I am weird and a repulsive person, that no wonder no one wants to be my friend. She was mad because I told her that while I am willing listen to what she had to say, I refuse to change for anyone but myself.
All of this started when I told my mom two weeks ago that I was feeling drained after a weekend of socializing with my friends. Thus I needed several days of solitude. I needed an interrupted time alone hence I had not been picking up calls or answering messages from my friends. My mother thought I was a lousy friend who does not value her friends. I respectfully disagree. Sure, it was a lousy thing to avoid my friends during that time but on the contrary, I intensely value the few friends that I have.
My sister and my mother were talking and they were adamant that I change myself. In their opinion, nobody feels or act the way I do. They have yet to encounter a person who feels exhausted after a few rounds of social events and needs to 'recharge' herself. I am a strange anomaly who needs to fix herself. But to me, this is just who I am. I am wired this way. For me, after a prolonged period of social interaction, quiet solitude is not just preferable but crucial.
So I flat out said no, thank you. I do not want to change myself. In fact, I refuse to even entertain the notion. I am not damage nor am I strange. I am fine the way I am.
What I am is an introvert. I am born this way. I cannot 'fix' myself. It's in my genes. It's how my brain wired itself. Neurologists, psychiatrists and psychologists alike have revealed again and again that introverts are not damage or abnormal. We are human beings with feelings. Feelings that may include do not appreciated being told to change just because I do not fit into what you consider 'normal'.
So yes, perhaps no one wants to be friends with me but I am evermore thankful for those few who want to be my friends. They are Allah's gifts for me and the rest I leave it to Allah. By Him, I depend on and my life is on His hands.
I love you both, very much, but I am tired of being told that there is something wrong with me.
